I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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