You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
