she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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