My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
