so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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