You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
