drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
