So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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