Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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