I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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