so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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