I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
