Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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