my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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