Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
