Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
