I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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