just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
