when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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