I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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