two words: eviction party
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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