Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
