I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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