It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
stop calling my apartment porn island.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
