i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Holy shit dude........stairs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
