They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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