you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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