Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
