Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is the high leading the old right now
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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