I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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