Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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