Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
