i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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