I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
