the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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