Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
