It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
