I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
