So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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