Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
