My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
