You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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