I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
