the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
