After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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