Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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