I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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