I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
