Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
