i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
