She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
