Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just had sex on a roof
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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