My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
