We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize