She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
