I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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