Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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