Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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