masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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