we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize