Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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