so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
