Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Everything about him screamed your future.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
