It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
