Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
